Suaxaash
by BlueHot Chronicles
Summary: Severus Snape hates his life and has chosen to give up on it. He has it all planned out with the perfect potion in mind; then, the irony of ironies… a blasted snake gets to him first. Warnings: AU, Bullying, Explicit Language, Thoughts of Suicide.


**Suaxaash**

 **By BlueHot Chronicles**

 _Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of BlueHot Chronicles. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended._

Published: 12-07-18 on my Facebook page. See link in profile.  
Rated: M

Warnings: AU, Bullying, Explicit Language, Thoughts of Suicide.

 **Summary:**

Severus Snape hates his life and has chosen to give up on it. He has it all planned out with the perfect potion in mind; then, the irony of ironies… a blasted snake gets to him first.

 **~ o ~ O ~ o ~**

Splish.

Splish.

Splish.

The steady dripping of water, occasionally punctuated by soft sniffles and shuddering breaths, deep within the dungeons - lower than any student dared to go - were loud in the vast and winding cavern.

The boy had found this place months ago when he'd broken the rules to enter the Forbidden Forest, and it had been his sanctuary ever since. Though it wasn't an actual room, it was really an exit or an entrance - according to how one looked at it.

One evening, after being 'saved' from a horrifying death by one of the five people he hated the most, the boy had dashed off. His only aim at that moment had been to get away, to find somewhere safe, where _it_ couldn't get to him… the monster.

The boy hadn't been sure how long he'd run, and when he'd finally stopped, had found himself crouched in the damp, chilly darkness some distance within the large semi-circular opening. Over time, he would begin to explore the winding cavern and find his way to the Slytherin common room. It gave the boy the rare opportunity to elude the school bullies when he realised that they didn't know about the entrance and didn't dare go through Slytherin territory to find him.

The next day the boy had been warned by the Headmaster of the school to keep his mouth shut about what he'd seen. The man had said that… _that monster_ … deserved a chance at a normal life and education like everybody else, and that he should be grateful because the monster's friend had saved his life.

The boy had tried to warn his best friend, but she hadn't believed him, she'd even scolded him, saying that he shouldn't have been following them; then she'd taunted him about _that prat_ saving his life and… _again_ … that he should be grateful.

 **'Lily, I'm just worried about you, and I want you to be careful whenever they're around.'**

 **'God! Severus, I'm so sick of you...'**

Drip.

Sniff.

Drip.

A shaky sigh.

Drip.

It was true. She hadn't been lying, or had been frustrated and said something she didn't mean; Lily Evans had been sick of him for a long time. And the boy had come to terms with it not too long after that day, as he'd stooped to magickally eavesdropping on her conversations with her friends.

 **'Why do you hang around with that slimy snake?'**

 **'Ugh… he was the first magickal person I'd ever met, and I hadn't met any other before him; then later on, well, I just felt kinda sorry for him. There are not many people that can tolerate him, you know… '**

Severus hadn't even confronted her about it the next day when she'd approached him for help with her Charms assignment. He'd once again forgiven her blase attitude, even going so far as to agree with her judgement; there really _was_ no one else who could tolerate him for long.

Then, he'd made the ultimate mistake. He'd told her how he felt about her.

 _ **'Eww**_ … **he told you he** _ **likes**_ **you?'**

 **'What did you** _ **tell**_ **him?'**

 **'What do you guys** _ **think**_ **? Being seen as his 'friend' is already screwing up my reputation. There is** _ **no**_ **way I'm going to be seen** _ **dating him**_ **.'**

What she'd actually told him was, 'That's… sweet, but I… we're friends, Severus and I'm sure you'll find someone nice enough and who'll like you that way, someday. But we'll always be friends, Sev. Always.'

Severus had been accepting of her answer, content to be just her friend; but when he'd overheard the disparaging comments she'd made about him to her girlfriends afterwards, well, enough was enough.

The girl had actually been surprised that they'd soon become passing acquaintances and that it had been _his_ choice. They'd still been partners for most of their classes together, but their 'partnership' became a civility between classmates.

Today, not ten minutes ago, even that civility - that partnership - was over.

The Marauders had humiliated him, even after Severus' diligence over the months; all his school work, private studies and hard-won discipline. When Lily had come over -where they'd been hanging Severus upside down- his tattered briefs showing, hope had flared that their friendship still meant something to her, but when she stood there telling Potter to lift the curse…

 _She hadn't looked at me once!_

She hadn't attempted to undo Potter's curse!

And she knew the counter-curse. _I'd taught her!_

Lily had stood there… _flirting_!… with James- _Bloody_ -Potter!

All her warnings of 'let him down' had been a show… he should have known. Lily was a bloody _Gryffindor_ after all. They _lived_ for a fucking showdown! Just so they could demonstrate how brave and wonderful they are.

Of _course_ Severus had been furious, made worse on top of the utter humiliation he'd had to endure. He'd wanted to hurt her as much as she'd hurt him over the months.

 **'I don't need help from** _ **filthy**_ **little Mudbloods like her!'**

Lily had just blinked and looked at him coolly when he'd called her a Mudblood. Not a speck of hurt had been in her eyes. Nothing Severus said or did was ever going to hurt her, because she'd stopped caring about him long ago. If she'd ever cared at all.

Severus Snape meant _nothing_ to Lily Evans!

 **'Fine… I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your underwear if I were you,** _ **Snivellus**_ **.'**

The rest of his heart had frozen over with her cold, insulting words.

 **'Who wants to see me take off Snively's drawers?'**

The new caretaker had been his rescuer in a roundabout way, when his cat, Ms Alanis showed up among the watchers, making everyone scatter and leaving Severus hanging upside down. When he was sure no one was around to see, Severus used his wandless magick to undo the spell.

After quickly pulling up his underwear and his trousers and locating his wand, he ran.

Now here he was, crying - snivelling as they called it - and huddled in a shadowy corner of his sanctuary. Wishing he had never met or fallen in love with Lily Evans.

 _I should take the potion._

 _No! I'm not that weak!_

 _Are you sure, Severus?_

 _Are you sure you're not just refusing_ _ **because**_ _you're too weak to take it?_

 _Snivellus!_

"Shut. UP!"

His rasping voice echoed throughout the caverns, followed by broken sobs.

After some time had passed, Severus rose from the cold damp ground, lit the tip of his wand and began the trek through the leaky cavern, toward the upper levels of the dungeons and his common room. He'd left the potion and a sealed envelope hidden at the bottom of his trunk months ago. It was time to send the letter to his mother and then… then it was over.

The light of his wand only shone two or three feet from him as he walked, but Severus had found that the darkness had never been one of his fears. Recently, his fear had become a ravenous monster that emerged during the brightest light of the moon.

It was after a few seconds of walking when he heard it; the ceaseless sound of something heavy being dragged, and it was coming toward him. Severus froze near the curved bend, wondering if he should run back toward the outer entrance or wait and see if one of the professors or a student were going to appear from around the corner.

Severus was about to Nox the light on his wand and run the other way when movement at his feet caught his attention. Water had pooled in a slight depression on the corner, and as his light was bright enough for him to see what was coming from the other side, Severus froze as he caught a glimpse of the monstrosity that was heading toward him.

There was only one thing that it could be, and suddenly he wished that it was just another thoughtless bullying prank from the Marauders.

Unfortunately, it wasn't and the creature spotted him in the pool of water at the same moment… _No, not this way_ … and when terrified black orbs met searching yellow eyes, Severus Snape knew no more.

 **~o~O~o~**

 **The End**

 **Uh…** _ **no**_ **.**

 **Like I would ever leave Severus in such a state.**

 **Part Two is on the way.**


End file.
